Better


So, the “feel good” part seems to come in waves.

I slept all morning (after not sleeping well last night and being sick this morning), and then got a couple of visitors for lunch (you are of course only supposed to have one at a time, so Martin had to hide behind the door when nurses came in).  I didn’t think I would want to see them, but it was nice and I perked up enough to eat some Jimmy John’s.  
Today will be a long day as I have to monitored while receiving the Bleomycin.  
I don’t know how I’m doing.  I think we’re just knuckling down and getting it done.  I’m going to continue with school, we’re still working and playing with our kids; except now I sometimes have to leave the park to be sick…  But, then I come back feeling better.  And, I can chase Caroline.  There were several post-surgery weeks where there was no chasing.  I think I would rather be sick once/twice a day and still be able to chase her.
There is nothing like a round of cisplatin (The “p” in BEP Chemo) to make you realize how much you like reading 3 Curious George stories to your 3 year old.  Although, I have come to really question the Man in the Yellow Hat.  Not only is he absent and irresponsible, I’m not sure his relationships with married women are appropriate.  Do you know more about his vacations with Mrs. Needleman?
Anyway, thank you again for your prayers, thoughts, messages, etc.
Last night when I couldn’t sleep I came up with some really profound words about being a Christian and having cancer.  Apparently they have left me.  
Essentially I think I am more thankful for the Christian posture I am continually trying to adopt.  I do not think this posture offers me “meaning” in a grand way that other postures do not.  But, I do think that my hope in the redemption of the world is still connected with my hope for healing – now or later.  I understand that I (we) will be grown through this process, and while I (we) would rather be grown through advice, or books, we are willing to submit to our growth as participants in what Jesus is doing to redeem the world.
I wonder about my conviction towards this next time I am sick.  But, I do believe it and am comforted that my mess is okay, I am known and loved, and that – even amidst cancer – my family has a role to play in putting the world back to rites.  
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s