A good friend was in town today, and we had been goofing off, had lunch with all of my girls, his fiance’, etc.
Last night we went and saw Wolverine. I must be growing up since I didn’t go at Midnight the night before.
Anyway, at lunch I could sense his anxiety about my cancer and I asked if we needed to talk about it. So we did. At one point he said, “So… Is everything just different now?” And, I think it is. My worldview tells me that while purpose in a pure sense may not ever be revealed, God will use this in us to grow us. I don’t think the Bible says I will be a perfect anything, or even necessarily a better anything. But, I do think the bible gives me ever reason to hope that nothing is purposeless, and that I can be fully confident that my cancer will change us for the better. I know that is abstract at best, but I appreciate that it is not trite. I keep writing more and then deleting it about the purpose of this. how about I just get to you about that one!
I alternate between saying “we” and “me” because it seems like it is happening to me, but other than being anesthetized on Monday – all of this is happening to Rachel as certainly as it is happening to me. Many of you have asked if we have told Caroline. I do not think we have “told” her, but she knows that I am sick. She knows that I go see doctors a lot lately. The other day she asked Rachel and I both how our visit to the doctors went. We thought about her context, and then told her it was good, I didn’t get any shots, and they did not give me a sucker.
It was hard to write that. I have the most beautiful, amazing daughters ever – I hope if you have not met them you get to.
We are hopeful – in the Lord first and foremost. Simply in Him, and His provision – whatever that may mean. We are also thoughtful and believe we are making the right decision for surgery, and chemo if necessary after a few months of surveillance. We are excited that this surgery gives us the best hope for full recovery without chemotherapy.
It takes a good bit of energy for Rachel to write, so I’m trying to remember to keep people updated. Please ask more questions and feel free to comment.
Today was a good rest day. We played a lot this morning. I made Banana Muffins and let Rachel sleep in (the least I could after she stayed up until 11:30 watching Wolverine at the Moolah). We had lunch with great and old friends, and now I am finishing my schoolwork so that I can study for finals after the surgery. Tomorrow we are excited about corporate worship with our church family. They are like the rest of our family – loving, imperfect, but would lay down in traffic for us if we asked (loose Good Will Hunting Quote).
Surgery is Monday morning for those of you thinking and praying for us; 7:30 at Barnes Jewish. it is laparscopic – so not very invasive, but it is still our second surgery in about 6 weeks. It should take about 4 hours because they do some biopsying while I am on the table. The surgery is to remove two inflamed Lymph Nodes (assumedly cancerous) in my abdomen. I will stay the night, and should be up on Tuesday andable to drive by next Monday (for Finals – which I will happily make C’s on!). The Seminary was great about offering me extensions – even encouraging it. But, I would prefer to finish, knowing I have almost no chance of failing any class. We are excited to move to the next stage, to be finished with this stage, and to fill you in on the details. Thank you again for your affection, prayers, phone calls and emails. We don’t get texts anymore – but thanks for them too!