Advantages to Chemo

Thanks to the proliferation of all forms of communication, I am unsure how many of you will read/see this.  Nevertheless, I find it a nice outlet.  Facebook’s requirement that I install a new app brings out all of my Gen X cynicism, and latent authority issues.

My wife has breast cancer.  I think most of ‘you’ knew that, but I wanted to mention it anyway, since I have some friends (around 900 according to Facebook) that are not friends with her.  And, since others don’t stay up on the blogosphere, Social Media outlets, etc.  You should all read the Circle, it will push you to delete these accounts.

Am I okay?  Sure.  My emotions are all over, and I have to actively remember that that is okay (I can harshly judge myself, even when my wife has cancer).  Many of you wish for details.  They change every day.  AScreen Shot 2014-09-25 at 10.56.54 AMnd, I do not think it will help you or us for you to know each meeting and detail.  Thanks Mom, for encouraging me to read Joan a few years ago.  I wish she wasn’t so helpful.  🙂

A friend asked if there are any advantages associated with the fact that I had cancer in 2009.  Yes.  Because I had chemo, if Rachel has chemo…  there’s a lot there.  Because…  If…  I will never ask, “Does she really feel that bad?”  It will not cross my mind once.  Those of you who have been there, you know too.

Yes.  I can more easily assimilate scientific knowledge than I would have without my experience.  And, this is helpful.

Do I doubt God’s goodness?  No.  Does that lack of doubt make me feel better?  Not really.  Do I doubt His in-control-ness?  No.  Does that make me feel better?  A little.  In the meantime, I don’t think this is unfair.  But, I am quite sad.  Scared some days.  Scared only for this season and all it will entail.  Rachel’s prognosis is good, but that doesn’t mean it will be easy.

I am the lead pastor of a gracious church.  Our board easily accepted my request/encouragement that I drop non-essential meetings.  Daily I think through the meetings I cancelled; because I care about the church.  But, my kids need me and my wife needs me.  It is an easy choice, but one I think of often.

If you contacted me in the last few weeks, and I did not respond…  can that be okay?  If you want to be cared for, read this.  If you need to hear back, contact me again.  I’ll respond.  There are just a lot of you.  Which I am thankful for.  But, it means I cannot respond to everyone.  I actually cannot.  There isn’t enough time.

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3 responses to “Advantages to Chemo

  1. Matt, you are doing an excellent job in all of this for Rachel, the girls, the church family and everyone who cares so much for you….but not as much as God cares for you. I don’t know why good people go through the presense of cancer in their lives but, I pray that God’s closeness is evident to you and that your healing experience will also be Rachel’s experience. Strength in Him, Bob.

  2. You are modeling so many good things in the midst of suffering. I really hate suffering. I am praying for you, Rachel, the girls, the church. The Church. The Circle synopsis freaks me out. Have you read Mark Batteron’s The Circle Maker? http://www.amazon.com/The-Circle-Maker-Praying-Greatest/dp/0310330734
    That’s what I’m praying for you guys. Big circles of victory, healing, joy, light that are so blessed contagious that the Lord will use this to increase His workers and multiply the harvest! For our mighty Savior!
    Nicole

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