So, Pascal says that everything I do I do to make me happy. My pastor quoted Tom Arnold (via Donald Miller) this past Sunday reiterating this same point. Arnold is admitting that what makes him happy is the approval of other people, but the larger philosophical point is the same… It is the reason one man commits suicide and one man buys a 97′ Suzuki Marauder: because he thinks it will make him happy (or, more happy).

I hate money… sort of. I am writing this from my lap-top which I enjoy. I do have a U2 Ipod in my jacket… which I enjoy. There is more than that, but I still kind of think I hate money. Ask Fabbio the Bear, he will tell you. It comes from the way I grew up, or the way I didn’t grow up, or maybe just the way I perceived my growing up experience. ANYWAY! I don’t like money. I really want to know (and I mean percentages here) how much to save, how much to spend on my house, how much to give away, how much my wife can spend on small insignificant things, how much I can spend on large insignificant things, etc. However, Larry Burkett has all of those things. But, I don’t want to do all of those for a lot of reasons. 1. I want to be free, and not develop morals stronger morals than the Bible. 2. I want a nicer house and a motorcycle. 3. I can’t tell my wife to not buy 2 billion candles for our house when I own an X-Box, and Ipod, and a motorcycle… I’m sure there are more reasons.

What is funny is that we have money. Sort of… But, I have realized I want to have more every year. Not a ton, but I want there to be more every year. Ultimately, I want that because I think that the bottom line of our 401K, Roth IRA, and bank account – if they are just a little higher this month than last – will make me happy. I watch the houses in our neighborhood and if they sell quickly I feel very good about the theoretical equity Rachel and I are gainging in our house. That lasts for about a week (then we have to pay to get something fixed and I start to wonder how much of that we will get back money-wsie). Our children will be fine money-wise. When our baby girl is born we will start a college fund, etc. But, I will still want our financial bottom-line to continue to grow… it was big of me to realize this, and it is bigger to realize that while there is likely a pure philosophy somewhere about money – the bigger issue is trusting Christ. Give when we are able, save always, spend where needed and don’t be legalistic about desires that are not ‘needs’, when we cannot save – don’t worry… I don’t even know the rest of them; it just seems revelatory that I think I want this pure philosophy – and I do. But, I want that pure philosophy to not cramp my personal style (0r my wife’s). I Don’t even know how to end my blog! Your responses are always enjoyable…