I think I remember to breathe more now than I used to. I don’t mean I used to not breathe, I mean I used to not breathe. Like, stop and take a breath breaths.

I’m posting this picture because I love my kids and I love my city. We went to the Confection Show at the Botanic Gardens on Saturday (you can see how much my kids liked the confections!), and ended up walking outside for awhile because it was just warm enough.

I still struggle with rhythms at home being so different than rhythms at work (and I have a people oriented job, I can’t imagine what a pure results-driven job is like to come home from!) Meaning: it isn’t easy to come home and just sit on the floor without checking my email and stuff, but is it is a good struggle – to sit and play, to sit and watch (when they are happily playing or reading). I don’t know that I am better at reflection, but I am certainly more interested in it.

I don’t know that I am a better father, but I am more interested in my kids. No, that isn’t the right word. I am better able (slightly) to take a breath and remember how important they are. I think stuff still bugs me, and my movement from anxiety, to anger, to entitled “If I were in charge of the whole world it would run smoother” – thinking, is the same… But, I transition through it faster. This actually overlaps with my loathing of 270 – which many of you have assured me you share with me.

I don’t know if my perspective is different. I just looked up perspective on my computer, and I was thinking of the second definition (which is about the way you see things colloquially), but the first definition is this:

1 the art of drawing solid objects on a two-dimensional surface so as to give the right impression of their height, width, depth, and position in relation to each other when viewed from a particular point [as adj. ] : a perspective drawing. See also linear perspective and aerial perspective .

In light of this, I do not think my perspective is different. I don’t see the world differently. But, I believe more strongly in what I believed before I was sick. That kind of sounds arrogant… I don’t mean to, I just don’t know that I see the world differently as much as I am interested in looking longer. Or something.

Does this make any sense?



3 responses to “Air

  1. I don't have many thoughts on your perspective. I'm sure it has changed. Mine changes every time I learn something new, which is most days. Not often in profound ways, but it changes…is that just maturity?On a side note, I love the bell tree. I think it is one of the most brilliant and beautiful sculptures in the city. It makes me so very happy.

  2. Maybe it is not so much a change of perspective as much as a deepening of the existing perspective. To extend your metaphor, you now see color where there perhaps was none, or the drawing now has more three-dimensional quality to it. Now you notice, and are more interested in, the details.

  3. i have absolutely nothing profound to say…except i get what you're saying. for me, which i know is different than for you, coming face to face with death really made me value things differently…like snuggling with Addie even when I might need to be doing something else (or think i do). i view the little things differently, i think. thanks for sharing…it makes me think.

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