So, Rachel and I came to a decision regarding my treatment. We have decided to have the surgery: Retro-Peritoneal Lymph Node Dissection on Monday (8 days, not tomorrow).

We came to the decision for a couple of reasons: one, it gives us a chance of no Chemo; two, they can biopsy the lymph nodes while I am “sleeping” and potentially look for more (Chemo simply shrinks, taking away diagnosis and the potential to know that the cancer is already gone); and three, the long-term effects of surgery are less than Chemo.

The surgery is laparoscopic, which means they don’t but me open, there will be just 3 incisions and they will all be small circles. This is good for recovery time. Mom is coming into town to help, and we expect my recovery to be similar to the other one (really just a few days of pain, and about two weeks before I can do almost everything).

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers, emails and phone calls. We have had so many ask how they can help. We will let you know – I promise!

I posted this pic because Caroline is eating frosting and sprinkles, and after my surgery I will have to observe a Medium-Triglyceride Diet (which means, not high fat stuff I think). No big deal.

It is 12:39 AM and I should be getting on to bed. But, I just wanted to tell folks who are checking this that we all had a pretty good day.

Rachel and I both exercised (my first time since the surgery). I got a lot of school work done. Our girls seemed to enjoy themselves – the highlight for me was being in a very small tent (“castle”) with Caroline and Julia.

Rachel got to get out for awhile (although the car wash took forever, thereby hindering her).

The guy from India fixed our Wireless Internet.

Anyway, amidst all of the mess and extra appointments, and decisions about chemo and surgery and surveillance it is good to know that it was simply a good day.

Also, if all of you make a big racket Rachel promised to post AMAZING pictures of our girls. (Reading between the lines: I post questionable pics 🙂 ).

Sometimes I like to nickname. For some of our doctors it is easier than others.

Yesterday we met with an oncologist at Barnes Jewish, and his pedigree is kind of ridiculous (Harvard, Duke, Berkely and I think he was the inspiration for Doc Hollywood… Okay, not the last one). Alas, he was very responsible in the way he communicated with Rachel and I. He was unwilling to hide behind statistics; instead choosing to encourage us that a cure is on the horizon, it did not used to be so, and whatever route (surgery or chemo, surgery and chemo) we choose we will likely end up in the same place: full cure. I think I was subconsciously hoping that he was going to sound radically different than our other doctors. It is good that he didn’t, but there was a let down that I am just beginning to place.

I think Rachel and I are both tired of visiting doctors. I still like joking with the nurses. My weight was 184.8, and I was really shooting for a 184 on the chart. I think I lost that one. All joking aside, I think Rachel and I are okay, we are processing as best we can. Yesterday I think we were tired; emotionally, mentally, etc. Re-read her blog entry as it was awesome.

Chemo is intriguing because it is a little more of a clean time line. This doctor wants three rounds (9 weeks), and then he thinks we would be done. Right this second I am leaning towards surgery (May 4th) and then Surveillance. The reason is two-fold (read: friends with Chandler in the box): One, they will do a pathology report because they will actually remove the tumors (Chemo shrinks them into nothingness). Two, if I can avoid Chemo I would like to do that. It is most likely that I would fully recover – in all ways – from chemotherapy (which is very bad for you). But, I would like to take a shot at no need for chemo. Again, Rachel and I are still in discussion and prayer. But, that is our update. Sorry to keep so many of you waiting.

The appointment was yesterday morning, and so the girls were with a babysitter. Later in the morning we went to the zoo, and as we pulled back to our house around nap-time Caroline, getting out of the car, turned to Rachel and I and said, “How was the doctor mommy and daddy?” It made me sad for a few seconds, but then I realized her context, and we told her it was fine except that daddy didn’t get a sucker. Aside from the random tantrums and desire for near-constant near-nudity (usually shoes, wings, a tiara, and underwear), it is very fun to raise Caroline.

Side note: I got to preach on Sunday and I think it went really well. The highlight for me was sitting on a Bass-Guitar stand. if you would like to listen to it you can listen (or save it) from the church’s website: http://www.riversidestl.org

Yours,
Matt Blazer

We met with a surgeon yesterday & a medical oncologist today… exhausting, but informative. And encouraging, in a round about sort of way. It was just good to have someone reassure us that the weeks in between the CT scan & the proposed treatment options are not long enough for the cancer cells to run rampant through his body. once you hear the words “aggressive cancer cells,” you have visions of nasty little disease cells inching upward through the lymphatic system & invading matt’s organs. Both doctors said that they would be surprised if the 2 enlarged lymph nodes grew significantly in the next few weeks… not ruling out the possibility of a little growth, but it isn’t a major concern.

That said, we are thinking (somewhat sure) that we will proceed with a Retroperitoneal Lymph Node Dissection (removal of the enlarged lymph nodes) on May 4 at Barnes Jewish Hospital. This will be a laparoscopic procedure in order to minimize the invasiveness of the surgery- an open dissection is a very large incision, much greater recovery time, etc. There are risks with each- we’re looking into those, but this seems preferable at this time.

The literature we have read & the 3 doctors we have spoken with seem to concur on most all of the questions we have, which is VERY reassuring- who wants to make a judgment call about treatments that doctors don’t agree on? The best option seems to be to follow surgery with 2 rounds of chemotherapy (which type of drugs will be involved is still under discussion) in order to reduce the chance of recurrence of the cancer cells to almost 0%. We like that math: Surgery + 2 chemo treatments= 99% chance of COMPLETE cure: good numbers! On the other side- chemo will likely make him somewhat sick if not very sick, so if we chose not to do it after the surgery, there is an option to treat by “surveillance.” This means lots of blood work, CT scans, & appointments. Surveillance opens the door to a 20% chance of recurrence, which would then lead to 6 rounds of chemo. Not good numbers- like i said, chemo will not be a picnic & we’d like to limit it to 2 treatments & be done with this crap!

We are still going to see a different medical oncologist next week (monday) for another opinion & to consolidate all of matt’s treating physicians to Barnes Jewish. 1) It simplifies the transfer of paperwork between hospitals, 2) it increases the chances of the doctors communicating thoroughly & working well together, and 3) it puts matt’s treatment in one of the best hospitals in America (also closest to our home).

there are still outstanding questions- I think we come up with new questions all the time. And there is still fear of the disease as well as the treatment. And there are lots of questions about the future- the impact the surgery & chemo will have on matt’s last semester of seminary, how this will affect his long term health, how this could impact the number of children in our family… and we are still processing how we communicate with each other and how we bring this before the Lord. I think we are much better than we were last week at this time- more answers, less shock, more reassurance, less paralyzing fear. We really feel surrounded by our family, friends & community. And we have the cutest, most amazing children ever, which doesn’t hurt. And we celebrated the living Christ on Sunday- a deep & powerful Love for us that is over every dark & nasty thing we are dealing with. Christ isn’t changing the facts of the cancer in matt’s body- Christ is changing our hearts to hope & trust in His Good-ness through all of this. It doesn’t hurt less, but we know God is acting behind & in & through everything. (Please remind me that i said this- i am sure to forget on a regular basis).

Thank you for all your calls, notes, e-mails, flowers & cookies. Thank you most of all for your prayers- it is really amazing to be on the receiving end of such incredible care. i hope that we love all of you as well as you have loved us.

-Rachel

I want to first say thank you for the emails, phone calls, blog comments, texts, etc. We feel loved during this time.

We are meeting with two doctors this week, one tomorrow and one on Tuesday (maybe a third, depending on them).

The weekend was good I think. I didn’t have class on Friday (which means I also forgot Caroline had school… so, she didn’t go), and while Caroline was not interested in the Good Friday Service at church (Julia had already made it clear she was going to bed) she and Rachel still went to Serendipity for Ice Cream. While they were gone I read and smoked a CAO Brazilian (Maduro wrapper) cigar. The significance is that earlier in the week I didn’t want anything: to drink, to watch, to do, to buy, to smoke, etc. I have heard people say that when you are struggling lesser affections fade. I thin kthat that is true, depending on your definition of struggle.

My mom said that we were all waiting to hear that everything was fine after the CAT scan. Then, when it wasn’t we have all had to re-orient ourselves. I think Rachel and I have been re-orienting (successfully) over the past few days. You are welcome to ask questions on the blog also. I have learnedthat I don’t explain the medical aspect that well (maybe becuase I don’t get it that well, hence the new rule: Rachel goes to all Doctor’s appt’s from now on), so I have left out much technical jargon. I will still try to answer any questions people have. I don’t know if the information will make you feel better, but you are welcome to it.

So, for awhile I am going to use my blog to update people on my sickness. If you didn’t know I was sick I am sorry you’re finding out this way. On March 27th I had surgery for testicular cancer, and on Tuesday we found out it spread to two lymph nodes. So, we are seeing a surgeon on Monday and an oncologist on Tuesday – second opinions forthcoming. If you want to read I found a good article by the FDA, and Lance Armstrong’s site is pretty helpful.

Almost every year I decide I should really use Lent to ponder…  or to become more spiritual or something.  Seriously, it seems like such a basically good idea.  And, every year I forget.  I’m in Seminary and we don’t seem to talk about it much.  I haven’t gotten over to Wikipedia yet to see if there is a cool story about giving stuff up.  I DO have some trout in my freezer that we could fry on Friday I guess…

And I am still not positive what the purpose of a blog is.

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I NEVER do these things.

But, Kirk did one, so I thought i would do one. With every person I put on my list ( you are supposed to do 25), a little bit of my will to live left me. So, I will throw it on the old blog…

1) I like coffee. French Press about twice a month.
2) Lately I have been spelling my name, “mat” to elicit whatever relaction.
3) My poor wife has noticed that while thinking I make very strange movements with my bottom lip. She wishes she could scold me, but she cannot stop laughing usually.
4) I got to hang out with two of my favorite authors in the last 6 years.
5) I would like to eventually publish a short story or essay
6) When someone introduces me as his or her pastor, I laugh because I am not one, then I try to sort of hide it… then I kind of repent…
7) I like NPR. I wish I liked music in general more. I like Jazz, but wish I liked it more.
8) I am suspicious of Christians
9) I have never thought of anything permanent enough in my life to tattoo, except my wife or kids but that would be kind of dippy.
10) I say “Dippy” because of my wife, and “silly” because of Caroline.
11) I think telling people to find their passion and do it, sets most people up for a discontent and at times miserable life. I agree – and still do it.
12) I keep in touch with about 10-15 men in a pretty deep and personal way. Not as often as I might like, but pretty dang often.
13) I love re-imagining the Christian faith. For everyone (including myself)
14) if I don’t play basketball for a week I begin to feel partially empty.
15) If I do not get at least one rebound I shouldn’t have got and thrown one amazing (or “ill advised”) pass in that game, for someone else to score… Then I will be slightly less happy all week. I would take a 3 pointer too, btu some weeks that is pushing it.
16) I’m afraid to plant churches, because I dont’ want to. But, I’m afraid I will become cynical enough to do it.
17) The last 3 people who tried to ue my chainsaw couldn’t. 2 thought they broke it. It made me feel like more of a man.
18) My Dog’s Name is Ron. I knew the name for about 5 years before he came into our life (not incarnationally, we adopted him from a stray society). He is likely the best behaved (inside) dog that you know.
19) Kirk Adkisson once took my wife and I to the Hillin St. Louis, and I ate a bowl of Spaghetti. It HURT. A lot. becauseI ate as much as Kirk could and no one should have
20) I flirt with murdering my cat: Batman. Not really. But, kind of. My friend Ty would also like to kill him.
21) I like the NBA. I liked it when everyone else was down on it. Even when it was like the WWF (94 and 95).
22) Andre Dubus is my favorite author.
23) I have tried 35 kinds of Scotch.
24) My Mom is the best business-person I know. Seriously.
25) Kirk is getting into Birding. What is birding?
26) I can quote lots of 80’s movies and songs. Probably more than you, but maybe not more than ANYONE you know.
27) Definitely missing the end of my right thumb, and have definitely used that to every advantage I have ever been able to think of. Told the story at least 5000 times (I can explain how I get to that number if you want to know), and make a joke about 4.6 times/week.
28) Saw U2 at Slane Castle in Ireland about two weeks before 9/11.
29) My wife is very beautiful, and I have been lately pretty aware of it. Not bragging, just happy.
30) I’m becoming a Pastor of Arts and Culture in the Fall and I know less about Art and music than almost everyone you know…