So, my car was broken into… No more laptop and no more U2 IPOD. Honestly, I am more annoyed with how sympathetic people have been than I am about the stuff missing… Okay, not more annoyed, but I am pleasantly surprised that my heart was not torn out to have lost the entire Digital U2 Catalog (Catalogue?).

I did go out and buy an IBook G4 (The cheap, small one). “Welcome to the Kingdom” was what one of the Interns at church said when he saw it.

So, I kind of felt like I really am a Christian with this whole, ‘my stuff was stolen and it sucks, but it didn’t end my life/week, etc.’… Where does the rubber meet the road in your life? (This probably isn’t where it meets in my life seeing as how I will have a baby daughter in a few days!!!!!!!) So, where does the rubber meet the road in the everyday ‘stuff’ of life. Do you love your stuff? Do you not? Personally, I probably am more anti-money than anti-idolatry lest you think I don’t love my stuff because of my Holiness! But, where does it feel real to you? Where does it make cognitive sense? Where has the Lord chosen to encourage you that he IS changing you/your heart?

How important is it to be Evangelical? How Evangelical should we be? How Evangelical Are you? As I grow up, as I read Donald Miller, as I become more and more frustrated by the Gospel of Sin Management I sense a growing awareness of my Evangelical Roots. I am Reformed also… Doesn’t that simply mean I have a big picture of the sovereignty of God? John Piper writes (after being picked up by a truck driver) that being Reformed frees him to share the Gospel and to not worry about his role after that. Linz, Fabbs, Elisa, Poshiggity, Cary Murphy, Webel, Katie Adams, any and all readers… How Evangelical is too Evangelical? How Lack-o-Evangelical is missing out on he Great Commission? Do not-so-Evangelicals have more ground to stand on in the real world? Will James Dobson ex-communicate me from Colorado Springs if I choose to talk about the gospel when it is obvious I could crack down on someone for living in sin? I really wonder… I want to keep writing, but I think I’m diverging from my original question. Where are you on the Evangelical Continuum? How do you perceive the Super-Evangelicals? Where does God’s Sovereignty come into play or not come into play??? Am I a heretic for asking these questions?

Are you guys afraid of Solitude? Why or why not? Is it the world? Or is it Evangelicalism? The world convinces us that busy is good, our mantra even, “I’m so busy.” Meaning: look how productive and hard-working and meaningful I am to the world. Evangelicalism, as far as I can tell and have experienced, says, “Spiritual Disiciplines are all well and good as long as they don’t get in the way of real spiritual matters (i.e. getting other people into Heaven).” If you like em, take em; if not, make sure you’re still preaching the gospel to people (and not like Francis likes it – Lindsey). What do you think? I don’t have as much of a sermon/philosophy as usual I’m just curious. Would love to hear what the Bear has to say on this matter; and the Inquisitor, and quills, and Shiggity, and the Veatch… And Lindsey, and Deana… Seriously, I know why it is hard for me: I condemn myself for not being busy, I have largely bought into Evangelicalism – and the scandal therein, I see myself as Jesus often rather than one of his kids, etc. but what about you guys? Are you content in the loneliness of solitude? Does loneliness remind you of your need for the Lord? Can you be in the car without the radio? Do you seek out time to just be quiet (and not asleep)?

So, Pascal says that everything I do I do to make me happy. My pastor quoted Tom Arnold (via Donald Miller) this past Sunday reiterating this same point. Arnold is admitting that what makes him happy is the approval of other people, but the larger philosophical point is the same… It is the reason one man commits suicide and one man buys a 97′ Suzuki Marauder: because he thinks it will make him happy (or, more happy).

I hate money… sort of. I am writing this from my lap-top which I enjoy. I do have a U2 Ipod in my jacket… which I enjoy. There is more than that, but I still kind of think I hate money. Ask Fabbio the Bear, he will tell you. It comes from the way I grew up, or the way I didn’t grow up, or maybe just the way I perceived my growing up experience. ANYWAY! I don’t like money. I really want to know (and I mean percentages here) how much to save, how much to spend on my house, how much to give away, how much my wife can spend on small insignificant things, how much I can spend on large insignificant things, etc. However, Larry Burkett has all of those things. But, I don’t want to do all of those for a lot of reasons. 1. I want to be free, and not develop morals stronger morals than the Bible. 2. I want a nicer house and a motorcycle. 3. I can’t tell my wife to not buy 2 billion candles for our house when I own an X-Box, and Ipod, and a motorcycle… I’m sure there are more reasons.

What is funny is that we have money. Sort of… But, I have realized I want to have more every year. Not a ton, but I want there to be more every year. Ultimately, I want that because I think that the bottom line of our 401K, Roth IRA, and bank account – if they are just a little higher this month than last – will make me happy. I watch the houses in our neighborhood and if they sell quickly I feel very good about the theoretical equity Rachel and I are gainging in our house. That lasts for about a week (then we have to pay to get something fixed and I start to wonder how much of that we will get back money-wsie). Our children will be fine money-wise. When our baby girl is born we will start a college fund, etc. But, I will still want our financial bottom-line to continue to grow… it was big of me to realize this, and it is bigger to realize that while there is likely a pure philosophy somewhere about money – the bigger issue is trusting Christ. Give when we are able, save always, spend where needed and don’t be legalistic about desires that are not ‘needs’, when we cannot save – don’t worry… I don’t even know the rest of them; it just seems revelatory that I think I want this pure philosophy – and I do. But, I want that pure philosophy to not cramp my personal style (0r my wife’s). I Don’t even know how to end my blog! Your responses are always enjoyable…

I’m pretty sure when Copernicus did all of the work that he did; he did not figure out that the world revolves around Matt Blazer. I’m pretty sure the church was aghast at his findings-that the Earth was not the center of the Solar System. And, I’m pretty sure they were mean to him about it.

Why do I have so much trouble taking everything personally? In my work, in my friendships, in conversations, interacting with my wife? Why is my picture of God so small that it has to be mapped out, explained, and then dealt with accordingly. I am a little tired of the hypocrisy of the church. And I am a lot tired of my own hypocrisy. I heard someone say a couple of weeks ago, that the point is to know the extent your own hypocrisy… or some such wise thing. The point is not to not be one: we all are, will be, have been, and might get worse before we are better. The point is to be honest about it.

I’m amazed how much the book, “Blue Like Jazz” has effected me. (What is the difference between effect and affect, I never can remember despite the piece of paper saying I have a degree in English). Donald Miller says we have to sit one out (we being the Christian Community). What a profound and simple quote. We have always thought our voice was so impotant that we needed to be broadcast, and whenthe world decided it wasn’t we just bought some radio stations. Maybe sitting one out means offering that, “They shall know we are Christians by our love…” or some such thing. Why am I so concerned about good theology? (I, of course want to write, “why are ‘we’ so concerned…). I think there is a 0% chance that ANYONE has it down.

I didn’t read Rick Warren’s book, but I know that the first line is, “It’s not about you.” Reminds me of Fabbio the Bear; he says things like that to me. And he can, because I feel totally loved by him and never question his motives in telling me something like that. I know I’m partially writing because of something that upset me last night. I think I’m also writing because I want a biger picture of God, and I’m trying to flush that out a bit. I want to embrace the mystery also; I know the LORD and am thankful for that. I want that to help me to love people; I want my picture of the sovereignty of God to help me see his plan. In the abscence of that I want it to give me peace. I want to take things less personally. In short: I want to be changed.

While trying to determine all of ins and outs, pros and cons of buying (or not buying) a motorcycle I came to the same conclusion that Pascal came to, Edwards expressed theologically, Lewis developed practically, and John Piper explained to me. It only took four genius’ to get me understanding that we dothings to make us happy. Piper says we should seek to Glorify God by enjoying Him forever… that that is the lense we should use to view the Bible, and in doing so will see that God has our great pleasure in mind when he tells us what to do. John Eldredge (using Chesterton, Watchman Nee, and Dallas Willard types) says we should follow our hearts. The Presbyterian Church in America does not like aspects of Eldredge’s writings; I think they wish he made it more clear that the he is talking about a ‘regenerated heart’ when he says, “Your heart is not wicked”… Hopefully my old buddy Kirk Adkisson will not read this particular blog and quote the Westminster Confession to me…
So, what am I writing about and why did I entitle this blog, “Pulling Weeds”? Because I was mowing a few weeks ago and I stopped to pull some weeds. I am not a gardener; it is only in the last few years that I have become excited to make these goofy lines in my yard rather than just making smaller and smaller circles with the mower. So, there I am pulling weeds – because I want to. I want the yard to look good, so I pulled some weeds. A motorcycle is not going to save me any money. It is very difficult to save money by spending money. I think I figured that I would have to drive about 40,000 miles on the motorcycle for it to pay for itself through the gas money… But, I want one. Should this desire go un-tempered by my Christianity, my worldivew, the reality that I have a wife who is not expecially keen on the idea; certainly not. But, I do not think it is irresponsible financially (Christian), my wife added one detail to the Missouri law for a motorcycle permit holder (no highways to go along with no passengers and no riding at night); so I am now the owner of a 97′ Suzuki Marauder. It is your basic motorcycle; it could go fast if I were to ride it that way (top speed to date: 44 MPH), but it is not dying to go fast like the Sport Bike I laid down about three weeks before getting married.
We will see how long I keep it. It is like anything else: IPOD, a dog, a TV: having one requires time and a certain amount of energy to enjoy it. But, I actually believe I operated under the auspices of good theology with this purchase. And, on that note, I’m hoping to eventually (I have been foiled twice so far) to attach a picture that my friends Po-Shiggity sent me for the same reason I pulled weeds and bought a motorcycle: it makes me happy. I can’t get it… You will have to write him and ask to see the picture of Jim Edmonds from last night…

This is the motorcycle that I will hopefully be riding by the end of the week. I’m crossing my fingers (and the nub with a regular finger) that my parents won’t find out until I have it. The deal is (with Rachel, my wife), that I cannot take other people and I cannot ride on the highway. I think that that is very fair.

So, the blog… It is hard to blog. My laptop is the only computer at my disposal which will allow me to blog. But, it is fun; even when some of your friends use it to flirt with each other electronically.

So, why a motorcycle? The ad on the Honda Web-site says something like, “This is rel freedom and adventure…” or something like that… “real life”. I’ve taken some counseling classes, I read everything John Eldredge writes; one would think I wouldn’t be a sucker for the ad. I am. I want to feel the way I feel riding a motorcycle (Iahve ridden one before… in fact, wrecked one right before my wedding!) ; even if it is just on the way to work once or twice a week. I want to ‘feel’ Wild at Heart, not just ‘be’… Whatever that means…

My wife is pregnant, and so I certainly wonder whether I am attempting to compensate for the loss of my youth. I don’t think so. All I am, is excited about the baby, and I do not feel that my life philosophy should change. I know I know I know… All people with children will tell me that my life will change, forever, more than I could imagine (insert big sigh for emphasis)… All I mean is, I hope I’m living the right way regardless of whether or not we have a child. I don’t see buying or not buying a motorcycle as a good or bad decision based upon those things.

My car broker likes to talk about ’emotional decisions’ that people make when they don’t buy what he would consider a reliable automobile. Yet, he is freely willing to admit that he feels emotional every time he gets to drive a Subaru WRX-STI. I think John Piper, Jonathan Edwards, Pascal, etc. would contend that that is why we do things anyway. Even if we are buying the most reliable car on the planet (like the one I recently bought my wife), isn’t that still an emotional decision? Whether it is logical, smart, frugal, and or stewardly I am certainly doing what will make me happy (or my perception of that).

What the heck am I talking about? One of the big questions: what are the desires of my heart and how do I follow them. I am not quite yet cocky enough to think I have answers to even half of the questions that gnaw my heart, but I know that to question my desires has always helped me. I find the deepest parts of my heart there (embedded in my desires), I make sure that I am listening to them and not to some addiction or passing fancy, then I try to follow them. The result: a cheap, but kind of cool-looking motorcycle…